DANNY LUBER

College tours are the epitome of predictability. The mother who doesn’t stop asking questions.  The tour guide’s customary one-liner: “I am going to be walking backwards, so holler if I am going to run into anything.” The useless historical facts regarding each building on campus.  But, who would have ever thought a little brother would try to eat the walls of Leavey Library during an informational stroll around the school?

“Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me one bit.  The walls are absolutely gross.  And, OH-MY-LORD, cotton candy is just so gross.  And children just love gross things.  I once babysat this little piece of—–,” says USC sophomore Alicia Hulapinon.

Sammy Bicen, the hungry eight year-old, cannot be blamed.  The walls do present a cotton candy-esque contrast of pink and blue.  College tours sure do test the patience of a potential applicant, let alone an 8 year-old little sibling.   And when the inter-campus carnival is being set up in McCarthy Quad on that day, who is to point the finger at a young child for trying to find the nearby cotton candy stand?

“It actually tasted alright,” says Sammy, “Sure, I hadn’t eaten anything that day, but I really think USC is on to something with that recipe.  It could sell big-time in that TroGro place.”

Since the incident, USC has commissioned an interior makeover.  The blue has been painted over with pink, giving Leavey’s walls one pigment throughout the entire building.  Leavey Library sure is making a statement of how comfortable it is with its masculinity, but what happens when the little sister is upset by the lack of pink in her pack of Starbursts?