ABHIRUKT N. SAPRU
LOS ANGELES- The newest mutated form of the H1N1 flu virus has had a bizarre effect on one female student at the University of Southern California. Janice Odwallan, a member of one of the school’s better-known Greek sororities, has transformed into a rare breed of pig.
20 year-old Odwallan, now nicknamed Babe, has turned into the ‘Sus ahoenobarbus’ species, more commonly known as the Palawan Bearded Pig. This variety is indigenous to the Balabac, Palawan, and the Calamian islands in the Philippines and is almost impossible to find out …

JACE BERTGES
College students have been known to support efforts geared toward saving the planet.  Whether it is driving a Prius or recycling on a daily basis, we all try to do our part.  However, two USC freshmen have taken their part to a whole new level.
Stacie Jabble and Jamie Loufa have started a bold initiative in the fight for water conservation by showering together.  Stacie is a green activist, while Jamie on the other hand believes she is saving the whales.  This idea for water conservation apparently started as an …

DANNY LUBER
College tours are the epitome of predictability. The mother who doesn’t stop asking questions.  The tour guide’s customary one-liner: “I am going to be walking backwards, so holler if I am going to run into anything.” The useless historical facts regarding each building on campus.  But, who would have ever thought a little brother would try to eat the walls of Leavey Library during an informational stroll around the school?
“Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me one bit.  The walls are absolutely gross.  And, OH-MY-LORD, cotton candy is just so gross.  …

ANDREW MAGNE
Starbucks. Some hate it.  Most love it.  For Julia Jacobs-Jones-Meyerson, she absolutely has to have it. As diabetics would certainly falter without their insulin, Meyerson would have a tough time staying awake in Writing 140 without her grande chocolate-caramel-double-shot-hold-the-whipped-cream latte. But that’s not the worst of it, it can only come from stand-alone Starbucks stores.
Julia has tried getting her caffeine fix from Starbucks chains that are inside other stores like the ones in airports, etc., but each attempt has been a complete failure, with her last try providing no …

ABHIRUKT N. SAPRU
A lecture on modern guerilla warfare was abruptly called to an end on Tuesday afternoon when distinctly mediocre rapper Kanye West decided to interrupt the class. West, known for his use of auto-tune, sprinted on to the stage in a shiny silver jacket and pink skinny jeans midway through the class. The musician stole the limelight when he tackled distinguished USC faculty member professor Arroyo.
After stumbling to his feet, West began a 10 minute rant about himself, claiming the creation of rap music when he said, bluntly, “I created …